


Biblical Times? Biblical times, 1823

by HannahBsting



Category: Be More Chill, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Andrew is the cool dad you wish you had, Be More Chill - Freeform, Christine is that one girl, Enemies to Friends, Except Mendel hasn’t better memes but DONT TELL JARED, F/F, F/M, Falsettos - Freeform, GOD I HATE MARVIN, He takes such good care of his kids™️, I Love Play Rehearsal, Know it all! Marvin, M/M, Mendel and Jared are the meme kings, Mendel is Bullied, Teacher! Andrew Rannells, The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman, Whizzer was the star in all his high school productions don’t @ me, book of mormon - Freeform, dear evan hansen - Freeform, tight knit family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-23 08:52:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13186644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannahBsting/pseuds/HannahBsting
Summary: the Tight Knit Family’s highschool production is the Book of Mormon. It goes about half as well as you’d expect.(Marvin’s roasting on an open fire, musical theatre references nipping at your nose, Annoying Freshman, and Mendel dabbing in a pear tree)





	Biblical Times? Biblical times, 1823

It was a Friday afternoon, and the tight knit family, along with 30 randos on their phones, were gathered in the school’s theater, anxiously awaiting the cast list for their school musical. 

“When is Mister Rannells coming by with the cast sheeeeet???” Mendel whined

“It’d better be soon,” replied Marvin, who was busy fending off attacks on his neck by his loving boyfriend. “Come on, babe, get off of me!”

“Noooooooooo you’re warm!” Whizzer swatted Marvin’s hands away and buried his head deeper into the crook of Marvin’s neck

“Whizzer,” Mendel scoffed, “I can’t tell anymore between where Marvin ends and you begin.” 

“Mendel, please, go and be yourself somewhere else.” Whizzer spat, and leaned up to press a kiss to Marvin’s cheek. 

“Girls, girls, you’re both pretty. Can we please at least try to be mature?” Trina burst through the side doors of the auditorium and stared inquisitively at her friends, her hands plastered to her hips. 

“Trina, thank god you’re here. Please take your boyfriend and dispose of him somewhere else.” 

“SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, WHIZZER!” Mendel shrieked. He turned about three shades of crimson and sunk down into the velvet chair. 

“Hon,” Whizzer started, finally removing himself from Marvin, “You follow her around this school like some sort of broken GPS and blush like crazy whenever she even glances at you. She’s practically your girlfriend Mendel, just face it.” 

“BUT I! WE Didn’t! WAHANAJKSHJKK”

Marvin facepalmed and rolled his eyes. Since when did HE have to be the peacemaker in the friendgroup???

“Ahem. Hey, Mendel, who’d you try out for?”

“Oh, I dunno. I think it’d be fun to play Elder McKinley! His personality is the greatest and I think it’d be cool to be the comic relief for a change. Last year when we all did Shakespeare was AWFUL! I couldn’t understand a word I was saying!”

“Ugh me too! ‘To be, or not to be, that is the question!’ The real question is why couldn’t Shakespeare speak goddamn ENGLISH!” Marvin huffed. 

“GUYS REMEMBER WHEN WE DID SOMETHING ROTTEN TWO YEARS AGO AND MARVIE WAS SHAKESPEARE AND I WAS NICK BOTTOM??” Whizzer shrieked, laughing. 

“Yeah.” Mendel answered. I was the ‘Welcome to the Renaissance’ guy. 

“THE BEST FREAKING PART OF THAT SHOW WAS GETTING TO SCREAM ‘GOD I HATE SHAKESPEARE’ AND POINT OUT EVERY FLAW OF MY BOYFRIEND’S IT WAS HILARIOUS!”

“Oh my gosh yes! And remember when you accidentally shouted ‘GOD I HATE MARVIN’ and we could hear the entire backstage crew applauding and whooping and you got a standing ovation from the crowd.” Trina burst out, laughing. 

“Whizzer what the hell I though you loved me?!” Marvin folded his arms and stuck out his bottom lip. 

“I’ve never said that..” Whizzer ambled towards Marvin, and bent down to press a slow kiss to his lips.

They broke apart when Whizzer murmured against his lips, “the best effing part of that show was seeing you walking around in those leather pants, no lie.” Whizzer licked his lips teasingly and Marvin shoved him away, both of them snickering.

Mendel looked increasingly uncomfortable.

“Honestly, you two are disgusting.”

“Hey, just because you’re single you don’t get to hate-“

“OKAY OKAY WE GET IT I’M GONNA DIE ALONE. Just tell me who you tried out for, Marvin.” Mendel huffed. 

“I didn’t try out for a specific part. I just auditioned to be a part of the show. I’m good with playing whomever. I actually really wanted to be the stage manager this year, but TRINA ALREADY STOLE THAT JOB.”

Trina sighed, “FOR THE LAST TIME MARVIN I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IF YOU DON’T-“

“Never mind about that though.” Marvin crossed his arms and sat back in his chair, “I’m not one to hold a grudge.”

Whizzer snorted.

“HOE WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN”

“GUYS CAN WE JUST BE QUIET NOW PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE!”

“WELL IF THEY WEREN’T STARING BEFORE THEY’RE DEFINITELY STARING NOW BECAUSE YOU KEEP SCREAMING!”

“Said Whizzer, while SCREAMING!”

“Oh, fight me, Marvin!” Whizzer yelled, but with no real venom as he struggled not to break into laughter.”

“Make me!”

“That doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Holy hell just shut the hell up!!” Some Rando football player dude wearing a backwards cap shouted and then continued to make out with his girlfriend. 

“WHO INVITED YOU?!” Marvin and Whizzer shouted in unison, then giggled at each other. 

“What’s going on here?” Mr. Rannells finally strolled through the door, clutching two venti sized pumpkin spice lattes. He also had his signature on a overflowing 1980’s vintage™️ messenger back thrown over his shoulder, overflowing with papers. He was also wearing his favorite jean jacket with a pair of black slacks and brown ankle boots. His hair was perfectly gelled and swept over to one side. 

“Hey little darlins, What’s new?”

Whizzer came bursting up to his favorite teacher, “mENdel refuses to acknowledge the fact that he and Trina are DAtiNG”

The teacher’s face scrunched up, “Wait shouldn’t he know if he’s dating her or not?”

Marvin walked up, shaking his head, “Sir, I’ve just learned not to question him and just let him be.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, even Charlotte and Cordelia, who were busy braiding flowers into each other’s hair and effectively ignoring everyone up until now. 

Mr. Rannells laughed, “Okay, well, I was going to show you guys something today, but I decided against it, since you probably don’t really care anyway...

“HOE DON’T YOU DARE!”

“Whizzer, what did we talk about.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“Alright. Save that spirit for the play, kid.” He said, ruffling Whizzer’s hair, who swatted his hand away. 

“As you all know, William Finn highschool is putting on Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s acclaimed musical, “The Book of Mormon.”

“Which I still don’t understand how we secured the rights to do, since it’s still selling out every night on Broadway and we’re a pretty conservative highschool, save for about 6 audacious queer kids, if you count Ram and Kurt making out in the bathroom that one time...”

“Thank you, for that wonderful and absolutely necessary speech, my dear Marvin.” Mr. Rannells rolled his eyes. 

“OOHHH YOU JUST GOT S E R V E D” Mendel shouted, and proceeded to drop an imaginary mic. 

“Mendel, STOP USING OUTDATED MEMES” 

“Cash me ousside, HOW BOUT DAT”

“I can’t believe I left Omaha for you people.” Mr. Rannells smiled to himself and fondly laughed a little at his favorite students. 

“Okay, THE POINT is, we got the rights and we’re going to be doing the musical this Fall. Here’s the stinking cast list, pass it around.” Rannells flumped down into the chair with a mock pouty look on his face. 

Everyone began to pass around the cast sheet. Soft murmurs of joy and disappointment echoed throughout the room as students who did not get in stamped off towards home. 

There were only 15 people in the cast. 

“Alright. Congratulations to all of you who made the cast. You are all very talented actors, and I am excited to be able to work with you. Now, everyone, TO THE STAGE!” Mr. Rannells clapped his hands gleefully. 

Everyone quickly got up from their seats and dashed up the stairs and clumped together onstage. 

Rannells sighed, “If you could form in a straight line, that’d be great.”

They all shifted accordingly. 

“Thanks. Now, we’ll all go through the line, one at a time, and please state your name, what grade you’re in, and what character you will be playing.”

“H-hi, I’m Evan, I’m a sophomore, an-and I’ll be p-playing Elder Cunningham?” A kid wearing a light blue striped polo answered, but it came out as more of a question. He didn’t even look at the director; it appeared as if he was desperately trying to sink into the floor. 

“Guys let’s give a round of applause for Evan for his riveting 10 second speech.” A short kid with glasses countered sarcastically. 

“Wasssup nerds! Jared here. Underscore Kleinman. I’m a junior, and I’ll be playing Elder Poptarts bc hes thicc And bomb af” 

“Oh holy Moses did he just do finger guns??!!!” Whizzer whisper-shouted in agony at his boyfriend.

“Thank you, Jared and Evan.” Mr. Rannells replied, then wrote something on his clipboard. “Okay, next?”

Charlotte scoffed, grinning at her teacher,, “Like you don’t already know me.”

“The rest of the cast doesn’t!”

“Fine. Hi guys, my name is Charlotte. I’m a senior, and I will be playing the role of Nabulungi since I’m clearly the only qualified one.”

Everyone laughed, and Charlotte beamed proudly. 

“Little darlin why don’t you introduce us to your little appendage there.” Rannells gestured towards Cordelia, who was holding Char’s hand and resting her head on her shoulder affectionately.

BCordelia giggled and straightened up. “Mr. Rannells, do believe that I can speak for myself.” Cordelia poked Charlotte’s shoulder in a mock-accusatory gesture. 

“Hiiii Guys!! I’m Cordelia! Um, I’m not much of an actress, so I will be sewing costumes! Ooh, and providing refreshments of course!”  
Cordelia grinned from ear to ear, and reattached herself to her girlfriend. 

Whizzer stepped forward, “Notice how literally every sentence she said ended with an exclamation point.”

Cordelia smacked Whizzer’s shoulder as he retreated back to his place in line.

“I would much rather be overly excited and optimistic then be destructive and hateful, unlike some people.” Cordelia stuck her tongue out at Whizzer.

“SHOTS FIRED!!!” Mendel ran downstage and dabbed. 

Marvin whispered back to Whizzer, “Kill. Me. Now. “ 

Mr. Rannells seemed in just as much pain. Mendel, since you’re here please introduce yourself. 

“Um. Hi.” He was not expecting this. “Um, I’m Mendel. I’m, uh, gonna be playing Elder McKinley, so that means that I’m gonna be playing Elder McKinley, and, wait shit I just said that uh,”

Whizzer facepalmed and stepped forward to help out his friend. “His name is Mendel. He’s a senior. Which means,” Whizzer smirked at Mendel in reference to his earlier embarrassment, “Which means that he’s a very good friend of mine. He’s been following me, Marvin, Trina, Cordelia, and Charlotte around since 7th grade, so we figured that we’d have to befriend him at some point right?” Whizzer clapped Mendel on the shoulder. 

Mendel smiled at him, gratefully and scornfully.  
“And,” Whizzer added, “He somehow can pull of a smile that holds both gratitude and scorn. You gotta give it up to him.” Whizzer started clapping and everyone followed suit. Mendel was now just scornful as he walked back to his place in line. 

“Anyways, I’m Whizzer!”

“Bitch bitch bitch bitch” Mendel muttered. 

“I’m a senior here as well,” Whizzer continued. “Let’s see, I really love Photography, Shopping, Judy Garland, and Boys. Particularly that one.” Whizzer pointed at Marvin and blew him a kiss. “Uh I’ve also been the lead in all of Mr, Rannells’ shows, since I was a freshman. Poor thing can’t get any new talent.”

“What would I EVER do without you, Whiz?” Mr. Rannells rolled his eyes and smirked. 

An asian girl with wide, overeager eyes piped up from the end of the line, “Is Whizzer your real name????”

Whizzer turned to look at the new girl, his hands on his hips. He stared at her for a few moments before saying, “Yes. To you, it is.”

The girl, not being able to take the hint, went on with, “But that’s your real name? Is that what it says on your birth certificate? Whizzer Brown? Kinda odd don’t you think? Nice name tho. Spunky. I’m Christine by the way. Christine Canigula. I’m really happy to be here!”  
She stepped forward to shake his hand. Whizzer glances at it like it had stung him. 

“Right. Nice to have you here, Christine.” 

Marvin and the other members of the cast had already introduced themselves while Whizzer and Christine were talking.”

“Babe!” Marvin called, “Andrew is taking the cast out for Pizza. You guys in?”

“Sure.”  
“Definitely!!!” Whizzer and Christine both said in unison. 

“I would absolutely love to come! Oof, I don’t have a ride though, would it be okay to ride with you guys?”

Whizzer stepped in before Marvin could answer, “Actually, our car is WAY too full as it is. Cordelia has to sit on Charlotte’s lap.”

“Oh, okay then.” Christine frowned. “Oh well, I have homework anyway. You know how it is, right? Teachers always seem to pile on the work when you have plans, right? I have two papers to finish writing for English, a test to study for in Science, and a worksheet for History. 

“Wow, that is a lot.” Marvin sighed. “Okay well we have to get going now if we want to get to the Pizza Place and not just stand here all night. Nice to meet you..”

“..Christine!” She cleared her throat, and thrust out her hand, “Christine Cannigula.”

He shook her hand. “See you tomorrow for rehearsal.”

“Bye, Marvin! Bye Whizzer!”

Whizzer watched as the girl practically skipped out of the auditorium. God, he really hated freshmen.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey you made it! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!


End file.
